


Becoming Human Valentines day special

by alvinna



Series: Becoming Human verse [2]
Category: Hlvrai fandom, half life but the vr is self aware
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Kissing, M/M, Sappy, fluff...so much fluff, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29404713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvinna/pseuds/alvinna
Summary: To honor the day of love I rewrote three scenes of Becoming Human to see what would happened if our main boys weren't emotionally repressed idiots and actually talked about their feelings. Beware of spoilers for up to chapter 17.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Series: Becoming Human verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160549
Comments: 60
Kudos: 166





	Becoming Human Valentines day special

Gordon doesn’t know what compels him to reach out and touch it but before he’s even aware of what he’s doing his hand closes around it. The bubble disintegrates at the touch, colours staining his fingers. 

Usually when interacting with sweet voice they have a single feeling to convey, blue calms down, teal heals and so on. This one is different. 

The first feeling that overcomes him is dizziness, which isn’t surprising considering how drunk Benrey is right now. After that there is a flicker of emotions so brief that Gordon barely has time to register them. Humor, happiness, confusion, embarrassment, sadness. They all mix and blend together in the same chaos as the colours of the bubble that contained them.  
There is one emotion though, that lies beneath them all, deep and vast like an ocean. 

Love.

It washes over Gordon and he has to pull in a breath not to drown in it. Tears form in his eyes as he tries to find himself in the maelstrom of feelings that threatens to wash him away. 

Then it’s gone, everything disappearing as sudden as they’ve come, leaving Gordon shaken and confused, staring down on the sleeping form in his lap.

It takes him a moment to catch his breath and blink away the tears suddenly stinging his eyes. Are these...Benrey’s feelings? It can’t be can it? Who would he even have such strong feelings for? 

The answer is simple. Of course Gordon has noticed the flirting that had started even in Black Mesa. But back then it was easy to excuse it as one of Benrey’s tactics to fuck with him. It’s harder to make that excuse now when their relationship has changed so much. It’s also hard to ignore the constant request for hugs and the way Benrey seems to become a blabbering mess from even the most chaste of touches from Gordon. So that’s it then? Benrey likes him. Not only likes if the sweet voice is to be believed, Benrey is deeply in love with him.

The thought has Gordon’s face heating up and his heart does a series of clumsy jumps, almost stumbling over itself. If he’s being totally honest, the feeling is not unrequited. Looking down at Benrey’s sleeping face he can’t help but to stroke his chin, the sleeping man moving his face to lean into the touch. 

Adorable. 

Gordon has thought this before hasn’t he? Lots of little pleasant thoughts about Benrey that had been shoved into a box. Boxing things up didn’t end so well last time. Benrey had gotten hurt last time. The hand moves from Benrey’s cheek to his soft curly hair, patting it gently. 

Yellow eyes suddenly flutter open, staring in a slight daze up at Gordon. He doesn’t know what compels him to do it but almost driven by instinct Gordon moves down, pressing his lips to Benrey’s temple. 

“Wuh…”

Pulling back he gazes down into wide eyes that stares up at him in confusion. Ah fuck…how to explain this?

“If you touch it can you feel it as well Benrey?”

“Touch what?” 

Sitting back up Gordon points to the fading orbs surrounding them like stars in the night sky. Benrey follows his pointing fingers, eyes growing wide at the sight of them. He sits up abruptly, almost headbutting Gordon in the process. 

“What...I can’t- what color is that?”

“I don’t know. There were a lot of feelings in them.”

Benrey’s head snaps back to look at Gordon, all traces of drunkenness gone from his face as a look of panic spreads over it. 

“I uhh...I should…” He moves to stand up but Gordon shoots out a hand and grabs his elbow, pulling him back down on the couch. If Benrey goes away now Gordon doesn’t know if he’ll ever gather the courage to talk about it again. This needs to happen now.

“You...you touched my sweet voice?”

Gordon only nods, still not willing to let go of him in fear that he’ll try and run away again. Grabbing his wrist Gordon moves Benrey’s hand until it touches a bubble still hovering above the sofa. It pops, leaving a faint glow and the smell of vanilla in its wake. 

A myriad of expressions flashes over Benrey’s face faster than Gordon can pick up on them. Then a flush rises to his grey cheeks, eyes growing slightly glassy as his pupils dilated until only a thin yellow band is left of his iris. It’s a look Gordon recognises and he wonders faintly why he never realised its meaning until now. 

“Uhhh...M’ sorry- shouldn’t have...stupid...I can just-”

“Benrey.” 

His voice is barely a whisper, as if talking louder than that will break whatever it is that surrounds them in this moment. Benrey’s eyes fall back on Gordon and in that moment he knows that his assumption was right. Knows why the feeling still burns inside his chest. Knows what he has to do. 

Moving slow, as if not to startle a scared animal, he cups Benrey’s face with his one hand. Leaning in close he stops for a moment, searching Benrey’s face for any sign that this is ok, that he’s not making a mistake. The answer comes as a short flicker of Benrey’s eyes towards Gordon’s mouth. Gordon can not hold back his smile as he leans in close, capturing Benrey’s lips with his own. 

\---

“I- you look...good tonight Benrey.”

A small gasp escaped Benrey's parted lips, eyes widening before flickering down towards Gordon's mouth and back up again. Before Gordon has the time to try and analyze the situation, Benrey suddenly rises up on his toes, eyes fluttering closed and hands grabbing Gordon's shoulders to pull him down in a…

Gordon's mind stutters and then draws a blank. Time seemingly coming to a halt as the voice in his head screams: “ And now what? ”

Now what?

Millions of thoughts race through his head, memories of weeks spent living together, memories of fights, memories of a betrayal...

The memory fades, replaced by a single image. Benrey standing in the rain, face turned towards the sky with a soft smile on his face. This is who Benrey is now, a person filled with curiosity and love. Not the monster on Xen or the guard who betrayed Gordon. That’s in the past, his Benrey is right here. _His_ Benrey…

Closing his eyes Gordon lets himself get pulled down, meeting Benrey’s lips with his own. 

The kiss is a bit clumsy, Gordon out of practice and Benrey never having had any practice at all. But it doesn’t matter that their teeth click together or that Gordon’s glasses get pushed askew on his face; it’s still the most perfect kiss he’s ever had. 

When they finally pull apart and Gordon opens his eyes he finds Benrey staring at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. 

“I...was it ok?”

Gordon allows himself to brush back some hair from Benrey’s face, tucking it behind his ear. 

“Wuh?”

Benrey is eloquent as always he muses.

“The kiss, it was your first right?”

“I uhhh...yeah...poggers. Best smooch. 10/10 on IGN. More? Please and thank you?”

Somehow Benrey manages to sound both monotone and excited at the same time and Gordon can’t help but chuckle and oblige. 

Their next kiss goes even better, Benrey finally figuring out he has to angle his head to not bump their noses together. The kiss deepens to be more than just a press of lips. Hands come up to tangle in Gordon’s hair, pulling him impossibly close. Benrey tastes sweet, not unlike an energy drink. It’s addictive and he can’t help but slip his tongue between Benrey’s slightly parted lips, chasing that taste. Benrey gasps at the intrusion, grip tightening in Gordon’s hair. 

When Gordon finally breaks the kiss to get some much needed air Benrey whines at the loss. Fuck he’s cute. Gordon has to stop himself from pulling Benrey into another one. They have things they need to talk about. 

“Benrey...I- I need to confess something.”

The dazed look on Benrey’s face twists into one of worry and Gordon quickly cups his cheek in reassurance. He won’t fuck this up, not when everything is finally so clear to him. 

“I’ve been flirting with you all week, trying to figure out if you- if you...love me.”

Again Benrey’s face changes, splitting open in a wide grin that morphs into a laugh. 

“That’s why you’ve been acting all weird? Damn bro you’re kinda slow on the uptake huh. Been...uhhhh been flirting with you all this time. Crush at first sight. Speedrun. Gotta get this nerd's passport.” Benrey leans in closer and for a second Gordon thinks he’s going to kiss him again, but instead he just grins wider and teasingly tugs at Gordon’s ponytail. “Kinda suck at flirting bro.”

Gordon groans all the while a blush heats up his cheeks. He captures Benrey’s cheeks between his hands, squishing them together in an unsuccessful try to get that infuriatingly cute smile off Benrey’s face. 

“I don’t suck! I researched that shit. I made a list and everything.”

“OMG nerd alert. Doin’ research like a lil virgin chicken hat?”

Gordon wheezes letting go of Benrey’s cheeks to ruffle his dark locks. 

“You’re insufferable you know that?”

“Yeah but...you love that don’t cha’?”

The tone is teasing but Gordon can see the nervous uncertainty in Benrey’s eyes as he poses the question. There are still so many things unsaid between them. Gordon decides to get the most important one out of the way. 

“Yes Benrey, I love that. I- I _love_ you actually.”

Benrey’s eyes widen, his pupils growing impossibly big and a small surprised laughter escapes his lips. 

“Pog.”

Not being able to hold back one second longer Gordon pulls Benrey closer again. That would have to be enough talking for tonight. 

“Yeah” he agrees before dipping in to kiss Benrey again. “Pog.”

\---

“Better run now... gonna getcha if ya’ don’t.” 

A giant arm raises high in the air, hovering still. 

Gordon looks up at the towering monstrosity above him. This is wrong, everything about this is so wrong. He doesn’t want to hurt Benrey, not ever again. He’s done hurting the people he cares about. The people he…

 _Oh_.

The thought hits him like a freight train, almost knocking him off balance. Things that before had seemed so unclear suddenly fall into place. He loves Benrey.

He _loves_ Benrey.

Breath hitching in his throat he finally finds his voice. 

“Benrey!”

“Yo, why you yellin’? You’re like supposed to run bro, you broke your lil leggies?”

“I love you.”

The massive arm drops, but not in a sweeping motion of aggression. It just falls straight down into the red water, like a string holding it has been cut.

“Wha…?”

Not being able to stop himself Gordon steps forward, closing the distance between them. 

“I fucking love you man. I have for...for a while now I realize.” 

Benrey stares down on him, the endless rows of eyes and both mouths open wide in surprise. It would almost look comical if it wasn’t so terrifying. Not that it has any effect on Gordon, all he knows is that he needs to get closer to Benrey, make him understand. Benrey's voice is harsh when he finally speaks again. 

“I don’t believe you.”

The sadness that floods Gordon's body at those words squeezes his heart, urging him to do something. He tries to approach the massive form of his friend, trying to reach him even as the alien scrambles to get away. 

“Benrey...please... “ Gordon’s voice is clogging up, tears threatening to spill. “I’m so sorry for- for _everything_. For all the ways I’ve hurt you. I don’t- I can’t ever make it up to you but I promise to never do that to you again. You deserve better... Please…come home with me.”

Something in Benrey’s form wavers, like a heat mirage over asphalt. And then it starts to shrink. It only takes a moment but suddenly Gordon stands before a somewhat regular sized Benrey again. The abundance of arms still crowding Benrey's frame wraps around his core in a hug, grounding himself as his form ripples with emotion. The eyes spilling from Benrey’s face searches Gordon’s, trying to look into his very soul to find the answers they seek. Gordon stands firm at the scrutiny, pleading that Benrey will see the truth hidden deep within.

Dozens of eyes shudder before fluttering close, leaving Benrey looking confused.

“You...you love me?”

Relief floods Gordon’s body and the tears he has been trying to hold back now spill down his cheeks.

“Yes, I- Fucking hell Benrey- I love you so fucking much, I can’t even put into words... Can I- please just let me hug you.”

He barely has time to open his arms before he is tackled and embraced, a concerning amount of arms pulling him close. With a sigh Gordon leans into the smaller man. Benrey is here, he is safe...he’s where he belongs. 

He’s pulled out of his bliss when Benrey’s shoulders start shaking. Lifting his head from where it has been resting on Benrey’s head Gordon tries to study his face, a task made harder by Benrey doing his best to bury it in the HEV suit’s breastplate. Gordon is just about to ask what is wrong when Benrey speaks up, voice quiet as it trembles.

“M’ a monster...”

“What?”

Finally lifting his head Benrey meets Gordon’s gaze, every single one of his yellow eyes brimming with tears. 

“Said… I’m a monster. Big bad. They don’t- big bad don’t get the cute nerd in the end.”

Despite the anguish he feels at Benrey’s admonition Gordon can’t help himself, the opportunity is _right there_.

“Wow, you think I’m cute? That’s kinda gay of you man.”

Benrey opens and closes his mouth a few times, gears grinding loudly in his skull. It’s a few seconds before he barks out a loud laugh that crackles with static, sounding both overjoyed and surprised. The laugh is contagious and Gordon finds himself wheezing along with it. When they’re finally able to calm down he catches Benrey’s cheek with his hand, gently tilting it towards him. 

“You’re not a bad guy Benrey. You’re not bad at all. Annoying yes. A gremlin, definitely. But you’re not bad.”

Benrey just stares at him for a moment, all eyes wide in wonder. 

“Not bad?”

“Not bad. I think you’re kinda good actually; you’re very nice when you want to be.” Gordon confirms yet again. 

“M’ a good guy?”

“Yes.”

“Good guy gets cute nerd boyfriend in the end?”

Smiling softly Gordon bends down and presses his forehead against Benrey’s.

“If the good guy will have me. It’s up to him.”

Benrey smacks his lips thoughtfully, cheeks darkening with a blush.

“I dunno. Kinda...need a trial. Test sample. Need to get a feel for the goods before I buy.”

Snorting a laughter Gordon raises his head to look down on Benrey who somehow manages to look bashful while also sporting a shit eating grin. 

“Kiss?”

Gordon’s voice is brimming with fondness as he closes the distance between them.

“You’re an idiot.”

As their lips finally meet a shout echoes throughout the cavern, shattering the serene atmosphere.

“Hah I win! Harold, you owe me 5 bucks!”

\---

Gordon’s head hurts as he slowly comes back to consciousness. His mouth feels like he’s been licking sand and his throat isn’t in a better state. Fumbling in blindness he finds the bottle and puts it to his lips. The burning sting of alcohol isn’t the best for his throat but at least it does the trick. Falling back down on the couch he braces for the surge of bad emotions that always accompany him when waking up. But for once they’re not here; a strange lightness lingers in his chest in their stead. 

He had dreamt something and this time it hadn’t included the all-encompassing dread that lurks just beneath the surface. No whispers reminding him of what a failure he is. No harsh realities spewed in his face, choking him with their intensity.

For once he’d actually been...happy. 

He wishes he could remember what had happened in his dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Hah! Tricked ya! This is a canon chapter with Gordon dreaming of something he has yet to obtain. It takes place somewhere in the beginning of chapter 17. Happy Valentines day everybody!!!


End file.
